I’ve decided that, regardless of all else that happens and that I may or may not post, I’m going to post something - anything - on Fridays. This will be the first one. Now, I’m sure you’ve got some questions. I’ll answer those now, in the order in which they were received.
Q. What will you post about?
A. I’m not sure. Anything, everything, that I can think to cram into a terribly large post.
Q. Why should I read these?
A. Because they’re awesome and I don’t want to have to kill your family.
Q. How do you know where I live?
A. Its called the Freedom of Information Act. Watch a movie.
Q. This is stupid, I’m not putting up with this.
A. Hey, that’s not a question!
So there you have it. I’m going to post on Fridays. Get used to it.Well, then, without any further ado, I give you Oh No Friday:
Today’s starter subject: Ice Cream
I felt that this would be a rather delicious subject with which to kick off Oh No Friday. I’ve had the discussion of iced cream with several people as of late, and it seems to be a good subject. I’ve found that ice cream is one of the most widely accepted and commonly enjoyed foods, as I’m sure most everyone already knows. “Duh,” you might hear yourself saying. What a lot of people don’t know is that there are a lot of obscure and fantastic flavors of ice cream. A lot of them go uneaten because they are strangely colored, or just not chocolate or vanilla.
Which brings me to my next point. People are afraid to try new foods. This is a terrible flaw in a lot of people’s personalities. Perhaps it stems from them being told not to put stuff in their mouth when they were kids. Maybe they were force-fed too many brussel sprouts. Regardless, its something that I think people need to overcome. If you haven’t had calimari yet, go get some. I’m sure that there is a local Italian or Japanese restaurant near you that serves fried calamari. Try cow tongue. Eat alligator. Don’t be afraid of something just because its not part of your daily intake of pizza and mountain dew. Experiment with food. Its a delicious world we live in. People need to take part of it.
While I’m on the subject of unusual foods: Haggis. If you haven’t had it, you should. Its a lot more delicious than one would think the odd bits of an animal would be. Go and try it before you forget.
Moving on, let’s talk about Hollywood movies for a minute. Moreover, let me have all of Hollywood’s attention for just a moment. Hey, Hollywood. Over here. Yeah, I’m talkin’ to you. I have a question: What the fuck, Hollywood? How dare you. Michael Bay and Gavin Hood should be shot. And I don’t mean a little shot, I mean taken out behind the shed and put down like Old Yeller shot. What the -fuck- is wrong with you people? All summer long churning out pile of shit after pile of shit like its all that you can do. Look, if this is all that you’re going to give the public after all these years of bringing us entertainment, next time just drop a deuce in a box and put it in the ten dollar movie bin at Wal-Mart. Fuck you, Hollywood. We, the viewers, shell out our hard-earned money to spend a few hours in a dark room with a couple dozen strangers in order to escape the misery of the real world. We expect to be entertained, delighted, thrilled, and even enchanted by the films that are produced by the largest movie industry. You’ve let us down. You should be ashamed, Hollywood. What happened to the fun, magical movies that used to be produced? It wasn’t all about the shiny effects or computer animation. They’re not even special effects anymore - Lucas and Spielberg ruined those for you. Now you just have effects that are applied liberally to any action/sci-fi/fantasy film in order to make it more exciting. Well, I’ll tell you something: It is not. Get your act together, Hollywood. Start putting out fantastic movies again, and then maybe we’ll consider paying $12 to sit in the dark with strangers again.
And with that I draw Oh No Friday to a close.